Movie Download vs Rental Shop

I like the guy who owns the movie rental shop in the village. He’s one of those blow-ins who probably never fell in love with the coast and countryside that incomers supposedly do, before exchanging their plush commuter belt lifestyle for an over priced damp ridden cow shed conversion. Or if he did fall in love with it, he’s got a funny way of showing it, because I’ve never seen him beyond the chair he seemingly forever sits in. Maybe I saw him in the chippy once, though it could have been his brother, or cousin.

I’m downloading a movie today on my Apple Mac, and it’s taking a little longer than anticipated, perhaps 5 minutes more. A slight annoyance maybe, but far less complicated than going to the rental shop. I still intend to though, if only for the pleasure and displeasure of having to engage with a man who spectacularly contradicts himself.

For the video shop man has taken it upon himself to give advice. Not just basic: ‘this is violent, this is romantic, this is comedy, type advice,’ but in-depth, complex and extremely critical advice.

Perhaps referring to what he does as advice is an understatement. It seems more like divine instruction. Yet his opinions and criticisms are frequently negative. He likes very little of what he sells, or at least what I choose!

Getting a video out from the village shop requires rather more sophistication than getting an HD movie download. On presentation of the video he will usually stare for a couple of seconds at the cover, shake his head and sigh. This activity usually prompts some kind of appeasement motion on my behalf.

‘So... it’s not any good then?’ I meekly ask. Silence follows, by a stare that says some or all of the following: ‘Do I really need to explain?; Are you stupid?; you know nothing, absolutely nothing; you are not worthy of watching movies; you are stupid.’

Still silence. So I ask: ‘Well what’s wrong with it then?’

Another stare. I look pleadingly. I suddenly realise that I am trying very hard to rent a movie and he’s trying very hard not to let me.

A large exhale. Then a volley of criticisms: script errors, poor direction, terrible photography, shaky plot, weak story, wooden acting. It goes on and on. He looks depressed. I run back to the shelf and point to another 'Super Troopers', he bows his head. I’m worried. I feel I’ve deeply offended this very kind man who I am destroying by choice of movie. I’m tempted to run out, go home, and just continue with my movie downloads in peace. But no, I could never go back, he’d curse me forever, and... I don’t know, it would just be awful.

Eventually I manage to choose a film that’s well, okay, if you must, I guess maybe. Not an endorsement, but he will let me rent it.

You know. One thing I’ve never asked him is: ‘So what do you recommend then?’ It’s my trump card. It’s better than movie downloads, it’s probably better than any movie I could rent, just to see what he says. He’d probably implode.